Who is the "Old Bag" anyway?

Q. How old is "the old bag"?

A. Six months older than Baglo, which makes her "the old bag"

Q. Is she offended by being referred to as "the old bag"?

A. I don't know, she isn't talking to me. I think she prefers it to "drear" though.

Q. Did she say I could go fishing next weekend when she has her brother and another distant relation over for dinner?

A. I'm not sure, but she did ask why I put the tent-trailer away.

Q. Where are you sleeping tonight?

A. I'm not sure, I already packed up the tent-trailer.

Bag's (aka Glenn Baglo) gets strung up to dry by the Old Coot during a fishing trip at Island Lake near Merritt, British Columbia.
The Old Bag by Glenn Baglo

The 'old Bag' said, "you go camping, why would I want to sit in the dust and be in the same sleeping-bag as you after four days of no shaving, no shower and the same gonch"? "Delightful idea, honey-poo," said I.

Of course I got to take Princess Quite-Alot (age 13) and her friend (also 13) and an assortment of bacteria-fighting facial creams, ketchup potato chips, Froot-loops, Archie comix and music to make you cry. O.B. filled the cooler in the tent-trailer with healthful food and tossed in the first-aid kit. I filled the other cooler with beer and blew a kiss. We were leaving the dog at home.

We were motoring, toward Blue Lake. The old Subarau struggling to keep up with fumes from the tractor trailers. Just three and a half hours, three milk shakes and burgers and I threw the Sub into 4WD for the final kilometer accent. After a previous owner had the place logged, "for problem trees", leaving a slash heap, it was a pleasure to meet the new owners and see how far they'd come with their recovery program. What hadn't recovered was the occupancy rate.

Seven of 110 sites were occupied and we had our choice of what was left. I picked a shaded site nearest the lake and Princess Quite-Alot promptly turned and stumbled over the fire grate skinning her shin. Thank God I had the foresight to bring the first-aid kit.

Leaving the girls, after dinner, to discuss boys and pimples, I launched my tube for some fishing. A small, spring-fed lake, Blue is stocked annually and produces fish of 8-inches with some reported to be as large as 17. As darkness fell, I found myself with three others on a stocked lake. Fishing fee - nil. Like popcorn popping, suddenly the hatch was on. What hatch I know not since I couldn't see, but rainbows were raining on the water all along the shores. Most were taking only 6-inches to a foot from shore.

Earlier I'd noted one brown flying-ant and a couple of good-sized mayflys, but found a small light-Cahill parachute to be most productive. After too-numerous a take of 8-inch fish, I landed a 10 inch specimen with a fat belly. Not too bad for a stocked lake. Creeping slowly back to the camp site, I heard the wail of women, or nearly so, coming from shore. "Glennnnn, Glennnnnnnn"

"Where are the flashlights?" It was after dark and as Princess Quite-Alot pointed out, you need a flashlight to find the flashlights so I shouted across the water where to look. And muttered, "might as well have brought the wife". Which caused a choking sound to eminate from some breasted thing on shore.

Well, the next couple days were much the same. Except, I think I forgot to mention that PQA's buddy got her first period and you wouldn't want to wade across that flow. The camp store had only panty liners so I bought a bunch on the theory that less is more. Then she got home-sick, and I arrived back at camp after dark to find that the kids had packed everything and wanted to leave for home now.

But, you know, having a rainbow-stocked lake all to yourself, isn't such a bad way to spend a few days. Now if I could just figure out that hatch that had the trout almost leaping ashore, and if I could just figure out women, all would be as it should.

Editors Note: Glenn Baglo column appears here each month and he apparently does not believe there are any Steelhead!